Snarky Commentary on Disney's "The Hunchback of Notre Dame"

My mother never allowed me to watch The Hunchback of Notre Dame when I was younger, so this weekend I watched it for my very first time ever. I decided that I should record my every thought because after all, my opinion is the most important. Here are my unfiltered thoughts throughout the movie:

3:50 – This movie is very violent and scary already. Good job Mom for not letting me watch this one.

4:15 - Attempt at infanticide at only the 5 minute mark? They just get right into it, don’t they.

4:30 – I’m already sick of every mention of “Notre Dame” getting a little sing-along. Let’s hope this doesn’t continue through the rest of the movie.

7:40 - Another stereotypical British mentor. Classic Disney.

10:00 – I wonder if Phil from Disney’s Hercules is just a better version of the shorter gargoyle.

22:00 - Was that just a transferring range of focus shot? Dang they really stepped up the animation in this one.

23:44 – ESMERALDA IS VAGUELY POLE-DANCING WHAAAAT.

26:21 – Oh wow, a true Carrie moment. Good thing Quasimoto isn't psychokinetic or this would be different kind of Disney movie.

36:21 – Uhhh I'm getting a little uncomfortable with all these religious undertones...

40:17 – I’m starting to notice more and more that Esmeralda has lighter skin on the poster for Hunchback than she does in the actual movie. That's an interesting marketing strategy.

51:31 – Something about the combination of Frollo faceplanting on the ground and an immediate zoom out makes me laugh so hard. Maybe they could've shown his angst a little bit differently. 

56:33 - Ahhh here comes the less catchy "Be Our Guest."

1:01:00 – The card heart ripping thing was a bit too much. I don’t need your clear metaphors, Disney. I got it.

1:02:04 – I think this is just me, but I almost had a heart attack when Quasimodo pulled the tablecloth up over an open flame.

1:02:33 – Frollo’s got some bling-bling.

1:04:01 – Ok, the people in this movie need to be more cautious with flames. …And why hasn’t the church caught on fire yet if he just threw fire on wood?

1:06:41 – Wait a minute, didn’t Phoebus get shot in the back with an arrow maybe a couple hours ago???? This could only mean one thing...

...or just Disney "magic."

1:11:51 - Here comes the two dimensional archdeacon again. And what impeccable timing he has to advise Frollo against doing something!

1:13:11 – Hunchback: The Original Spiderman

1:14:21 – Look at that dynamic 3D shot. So good.

1:21:04 – No way did Phoebus just catch a falling Quasimodo. AND HE WAS JUST SHOT IN THE BACK A COUPLE HOURS AGO!!!

1:21:43 - Ok since when does lighting a house on fire a few miles away equate to an entire city turning into the fiery pits of Hell. Get out of here with your nonsense, Disney. 

       Alright, so this movie wasn't as bad as my snide comments were making it seem, but it definitely has some serious pitfalls. First of all, the gargoyles were definitely missing some charisma. They simply didn't stand out to me and I felt like that could've been something that gave another level to the film. Also, the archdeacon would've been interesting to explore and could've given more dimension to the film. Instead, Disney simply uses him whenever Frollo needs a warning. Just as the secondary characters were lacking, the music needed some changes too. While it wasn't bad, it simply wasn't catchy enough for a Disney film. Although I think Esmeralda's spunk is a good example for young girls, I'm not really upset with my mom for not allowing me to see this movie. I'd say Belle was probably a better role model anyway.

via: http://bealor.deviantart.com/art/Princess-of-the-year-389904913

Escape From Tomorrow

"Bad things happen everywhere."

   

        Randy Moore made his directorial debut earlier this year at Sundance with a film that he decided to shoot inside Disney World without Disney’s knowledge. The film is entitled Escape From Tomorrow and the surrounding hype for it definitely means it’s one to look out for come awards season. The premise of the film is that the main character, Jim, loses his job on the last day of his family vacation to Disney World. Jim decides not to tell his wife and instead becomes obsessed with two French girls wandering through the park. Lucky for us, the trailer was finally released to the public last week on September 12^th. Let me just say, the trailer does not disappoint. From seemingly possessed children to Epcot exploding, this is not a movie to miss.

        Looking at the footage from the trailer, it’s clear that this was not home-movie style footage, but how exactly did they film it? According to Moore, it was shot guerrila-style and completely under the radar from Disney. Actors were forced to keep scripts on their phones and Moore only used consumer video cameras for filming. Moore also snuck away to South Korea to edit the film so that Disney wouldn’t shut it down before it was done. So far, these tactics have worked in as much as Disney has yet to contact them. However, many suspect that Disney’s strategy in simply not acknowledging the film might be the smartest course of action. This would mean less attention given to Escape from Tomorrow and therefore less box office success. Like always, Disney knows best.

        Although it may on first glance seem like an outright attack on Disney, this is not necessarily the case. It is very much based in a bizarre Lynch-like version of reality. Moore is not trying to shut Disney down. He has explicitly stated multiple times that he was not trying to make an activist film, but simply a film exploring the relationship he had with his father and the parks as a child. Be that as it may, Moore still does harshly critique Disney’s style of mass entertainment through his use of B&W. B&W reveals an alternate Disney without the veil of bright colors. The surrealism and dream-like quality of this film also add to its appeal.

        The movie is set to release in select theaters on October 11th. I know I will definitely be seeing this movie and hopefully that will be before Disney shuts it down.